Peace Be Still.....

This is the message the Lord seems to be trying to get through to me.... and yet I continue to BANG MY HEAD AGAINST THE DOOR! I truly feel the Lord has put this burning desire to share Jesus with people... and yet I pray and search for where and how He wants me to serve Him... every time I think it is Him calling me into some kind of a ministry to witness I basically am told no by those around me....
I haven't posted in almost a month... I have been walking in the flesh for most of that month.... fighting condemnation... confusion, etc... I have been either snapping my families heads of or in tears.... April has been privy to much of this....
I am not really going through anything to speak of.... other than finances... or lack of! Yet, I feel like I am going through the fire....
After church I spoke with my pastor about starting a street ministry... it looks like that once again it must have been me and not the Lord calling me like I thought... and through it all of coarse I was crying.... why do I always have to cry.... When my heart is breaking for the burden on my heart for the lost... when I am so passionate about something... when I feel the presence of the Lord.... I cry! Uggggggggggggggggggggggggg I am certain it is misinterpreted for the flesh or immaturity.... at times I must confess it is exactly that.... however many times it is not... sometimes do you just feel so misunderstood? Do you just feel like God is trying to do something in your life, in you and others just don't see it? ok, sounds like a pity party... lol
Anyway.... this is what the Lord spoke to me today.....
through worship songs and a word from a special friend.............................
"I am satisfied in You, my God.
and I will abide, in You, in the Vine."
as we sang that He whispered to my spirit... that is the key... be satisfied in Me....
and from my friend... she spoke His word... the same words He spoke to me a few weeks ago....
"Peace, be still....."
So, I will be praying for God's peace.... I will be asking Him to help me to lay all of my hearts desires to serve Him at His feet.... I can't save anyone, this I know.... I know the harvest is ready and workers are few.... but I have told Him.... Here I am Lord, send me.... He knows my heart.... I feel like I have heard Him knocking at the door.... but it won't open and I just keep banging my head on it.... this will never open the door either... so, I have unlocked the door, I have invited Him in and now I must wait for Jesus Christ to open it and call me out.... to join Him....
In the mean time I know I need to be faithful in the little things.... which I oh, so struggle to do! I need to minister to my family which I fall short on each and every day....
But for the desires of my heart.... that have been so overwhelming at times that it hurts........ I give to You, my Lord Jesus............ Have Thine Own way.............
and to me He says...... "Peace, be still........."